I AM TIRED OF TRYING!
THESE FEW DAYS HAVE NOT BEEN THE GREATEST OF ALL. FOR SOME REASON I AM FEELING REALLY LOW, AND I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT. A PART OF ME WISHES THAT I COULD JUST END IT ALL, BUT ANOTHER PART OF ME JUST WANTS TO GET HELP. MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BOYFRIEND IS NOT DOING WELL AT ALL. I TOLD HIM LAST FRIDAY THAT I WAS JUST NOT HAPPY ANYMORE, AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO EVEN WORK ON IT. I HAVE BEEN WONDERING ABOUT THE HOUSE ALL WEEK, AND HE STILL HASN'T OFFERED TO TALK TO ME. I TOLD HIM THAT THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE WILL ALWAYS MATTER. WHEATER IT'S GRABBING A CUP OF COFFEE WITH ME, OR JUST SAYING I LOVE YOU. HE HAS NOT SAID THAT TO ME SINCE I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS UNHAPPY. BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER SAID THAT TO HIM BEFORE, I WAS EXPECTING HIM TO SAY HE WANTED TO WORK ON IT, AND FIGURE OUT WHAT HAS HAPPENED OVER THESE PAST 5 YEARS THAT WOULD MAKE ME SUDDENLY UNHAPPY. COULD IT BE THAT WE ARE JUST GROWING APART AND WE NEED OUR SPACE?? MAYBE THAT COULD BE IT, BUT BECAUSE HE REFUESES TO EVER TALK TO ME ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP, I WILL NEVER KNOW. IF I DID BRING IT UP THAT WE NEED TIME APART, THAN HE ALWAYS SAYS "FINE IF THATS WHAT YOU WANT" NEVER TRYS TO PURSUADE ME TO THINK ABOUT IT, OR WHY, JUST "IF THATS WHAT YOU WANT". SOMETIMES, I WISH HE WOULD OPEN UP TO ME AND ACTUALLY HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ME ABOUT THINGS THAT ACTUALLY MATTER IN LIFE. THE ONLY THING THAT I KNOW RIGHT NOW IS THAT HIS JOB IS SCREWING HIM OVER AT WORK, AND HE SEEMS PISSED ABOUT IT. SO JUST NOW HE OPENED MY BEDROOM DOOR AND SAID "YOU OK, YOU DON'T WANNA COME OUTSIDE HERE AND TALK TO ME" NO!!! I WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME. YOU KNOW THAT I AM UPSET, WHY WOULD I MAKE THE FIRST MOVE AND YOU SHOULD JUST FUCKIN GRAB ME AND HOLD ME!!!! WHY, I REALLY THAT HE KNEW ME BETTER THAN THAT, AND THAT I WAS MAKING IT OBVIOUS THAT IS WHAT I WANT. MAYBE HE JUST CAN'T READ ME ANYMORE. IN A WAY I WANT HIM TO LEAVE SO THAT IT ISN'T ME LOOKING LIKE THE BAD GUY.
